Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Flower That Has Blossomed Called Me

I was once given the following advice, "never put in writing what you can't say in person."

I disagree with the statement for reasons being I feel I can better express myself through written communication than I can in difficult face to face conversations. Much like the ones I have had in a series of text messages with the one who brought me into this world who also for some reason wants to me suffer in it as well.

It has taken me awhile and my time on the other side of the river to realize though she is my mother, it does not mean I have to accept the mistreatment and emotional abuse from her or anyone for that matter.

We have always had a quirky relationship since I was in junior high school. Before that, I idolized her particularly because she raised me and my sister practically by herself while holding down a job and going back to school. No other mothers I knew were doing that then or if they were, they had husbands supporting them.

History has repeated itself in my own life. I embarked on going back to college several times, but lacked any support or encouragement from this woman. I was criticised (and of course his father also equally oppressive) for not being a better to my own son on many, many occasions. Sure I have had to make difficult decisions such as going back to work, juggling school and motherhood simultaneously. I believed what I was shown by her from grade school. If you want something, anything is possible as long as you put in the effort. I tried several times, but I would become so wrapped up in pleasing others I lost my purpose.

When I began to find it again, I decided I was going forward without them. This of course is hard for oppressors and abusers to accept. Why? Because once they lose control over you, they wither while you blossom. From previous posts you will read the reasons I crossed the river and as a result none have been considered valid enough for her to accept.

Tonight after 59 days since her last text wishing me a happy birthday, I heard from her again. She informed she would not be able to look after her only grandson for one night while I have my thyroid procedure. We went back and forth for at least an hour with her believing she "won," but I know better.

I truly and honestly believe with her access to my social media pages permit her to see and read about this (her) flower has blossomed in soil she could not taint for I would not allow it.

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